The Magnificent Seven

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and the subject somehow got to DeMolay and the ideals that it teaches.  Recalling that time of my life got me thinking about how much, if at all, my experience with DeMolay still influences me and how much what I was taught there guides my actions today.  Out of the 5 of you who will read this post, one or two of you may not know what DeMolay is and possibly all 5 of you don't know what those "ideals" that I referred to are.  I suppose that makes our starting point for this post clear.

To give the brief, elevator pitch of DeMolay, it's a fraternity for young men aged 12-21 that seeks to help them to develop into better citizens by engaging in various activities like community service, competitions, or team-building.  It's for the most part organized and run by the youth and adults serve only as "advisors".  I joined DeMolay in October 2005 shortly after beginning my freshman year of high school.  When I joined, my social skills weren't quite developed due to weight and general awkwardness problems in middle school, but this group seemed to accept me anyway.  One of the first things you do in the process of being initiated is make a vow to live your life according to the "seven cardinal virtues".  These virtues are filial love, reverence for sacred things, courtesy, comradeship, fidelity, cleanness, and patriotism.  Those are basically what I mean when I say "ideals" in regards to DeMolay.  I'll skip the details of what I did in DeMolay and what it meant to me as that's a discussion for a different time and place.  The important part is that it was the most important and fulfilling activity that I did in high school and played a major role in my development.  Now, let's jump right to the present day.

So, as I mentioned, I've been wondering how much the teachings of DeMolay have stuck with me throughout the years.  It used to be that a day didn't go by that I didn't think about something related to DeMolay.  Now, there could be weeks when it doesn't cross my mind.  Just because it doesn't pop into my mind, though, doesn't mean that it's still not having an influence.  I can see many of the cardinal virtues reflected in my actions over here.

Filial love means love for your parents.  I think moving to Senegal has made me closer to my parents, in fact.  We talk about three times a month  on Skype and normally around an hour per session.  In addition, we stay in touch between those talks through Facebook and e-mail.  On most days, I either send or receive a correspondence with my parents.  We probably talk more now than when I was living in Charlottesville, no more than an hour away.  By extension, though, the virtue of filial love means not just loving your parents, but your family as a whole.  The distance has definitely helped me understand how important family is in a happy life.  Among the things that I miss most from the US are family dinners.

Reverence for sacred things is simply showing respect for things others hold sacred.  It doesn't mean anything about what you hold sacred nor is it saying you should hold certain things sacred.  It's basically a respect for the beliefs of others.  As a non-Muslim living in a Muslim country, this is a virtue that I practice every day.  Also, note that it doesn't say tolerance of sacred things.  This goes beyond tolerence.  Reverence is something deeper like you really try to understand how the other person feels.  Every day, I listen to the calls to prayer and see people going through their rituals.  I celebrate the holidays and have even promised to participate in the fast of Ramadan next year.  I'm not going to convert or anything, but I'm really trying to understand and respect the sanctity of the Muslim way of life. 

Courtesy is a pretty general word, so the meaning can vary from person to person.  The DeMolay texts mention courtesy toward the stranger and I think that that is the most important aspect.  If you remember from a previous post, I deal a lot with people approaching me to ask for money or to try to scam me.  I can honestly say that I've never snapped at one of these people or showed any sort of anger to these people.  I don't like the concepts of road rage or getting mad at strangers in general because you don't know the situation and moreso you don't know how you would have acted in that situation.  The text says something like "I will withhold judgement of others because, in similar circumstances, I may have acted even more unwisely than I judge them to have acted."  Anger never solved these problems anyway.  Meeting everybody with the same amount of courtesy and kindness actually reduces the amount of stress in your own life as you're more easily able to forgive perceived wrongs done to you by considering all of the possible reasons that the other person could have acted that way.  Also, I say courtesy to the stranger is the most important aspect because if you can be kind to a stranger, shouldn't it be easier to be kind to someone with whom you have a relationship?

I must admit that I struggle with comradeship at times.  I try to be true to all those who I consider "friends", but I'm also very careful with who I allow into that circle.  Since coming to Senegal, I've tried to be more generous with my friendship.  This is an area, however, that I must continue to try to improve.  I generally know how I must change my behavior, but putting those changes into practice, especially when I'm in a large group, has proved especially difficult so far.  Peace Corps has provided me and will continue to provide me with opportunities to grow, so I hope improvement in this area will come soon.

Fidelity means faithfulness or loyalty.  I see it as more like faithfulness to one's word and one's set of ideals.  Senegal is a culture where breaking one's word is not considered a big deal.  If you say you will have the work done by Thursday, it's not a big deal if it's not done until Saturday.  If you say the meeting is at 3pm, it's not a big deal to start at 5.  This is one aspect of the culture that I have promised not to put into practice myself.  I still show up to a meeting exactly when I'm told to the point that people poke fun at me for being so American in that regard.  When I say I will be somewhere or I will do something, I consider it to be a very serious commitment.  There's a Wolof proverb that says "dige bor la" which is translated to "promises are debt".  Despite many aspects of the Senegalese culture not adhering to this proverb, I try to consider each promise that I have made as a debt that must be paid and give it appropriate attention.

Cleanness is more than just showering every day.  The text says "cleanness in thought, word, and deed."  Cleanness is itself a very subjective word and I consider it to mean more like positivity than purity.  I try to be positive in my thoughts, words, and deeds towards others.  I do not engage in gossip nor will I even permit myself to think about such things.  I may say things bluntly at times, but I will not say or do anything that I know will hurt another.  Again, this is a virtue that I have yet to master, but this type of self-restraint takes time especially when it comes to restraining ones thoughts.  My thoughts, especially in regards to myself, are still far from clean and positive.

A common question in award interviews in DeMolay is "if you could remove one cardinal virtue, which one would it be?"  It's a typical "no right answer" situation that you're supposed to find a clever way to dance out of.  If I was asked this question today, I would answer patriotism without a second thought.  Patriotism, in my eyes, is an archaic virtue designed to keep homogeneous groups separate from other homogeneous groups and, indirectly, opposed to one another.  Patriotism says Americans should stick by Americans and French by French and Senegalese by Senegalese etc. As you spend time outside of your own culture, you realize that the lines between these homogeneous groups are completely imaginary.  We are all one family.  Patriotism is as archaic a virtue as bowing to the king.

So, of the seven virtues, I am still living by, or attempting to live by, six of them.  DeMolay has unquestionably shaped my current personality and worldview.  The friends I made there are brothers for life.  The ideals I learned there are ideals to live by.  It was exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it.  I'm thankful and proud to be able to call myself a DeMolay.